Look, I have to get this one off my chest. I’ve been diving for seven years and what I’ve found out is, it’s not the exhilarating adventure sport it’s cracked up to be. Not only is it an expensive, dangerous and tiring way to spend your time - it’s also quite boring. I mean, what’s at the bottom of the ocean? Just a bunch of rocks and some sand. Admittedly, you can see some cool shit sometimes, but that’s very rare unless you have a boat to go offshore in. Where I dive, it’s the underwater equivalent of the municipal tip.

The novelty of scuba diving wears off quickly. If you haven’t dived before, you probably think it’s serene and relaxing. In fact, it’s noisy (because of the bubbles when you breathe), it’s akward (because you’re wearing a suit and tank and you can’t move easily) and it’s cold (because the ocean is full of cold water). Another thing I hate about diving is the unholy amount of crap that it requires. If you forget even one bit, you have to drive all the way home to get it, and when you’ve used it you have to wash it all. Then, if anything breaks (or you forget how to use it) you could die or be horribly injured.

Nowadays, we mostly go scuba diving out of obligation and forgetting how much hassle it is. That and you get Chicken Treat afterwards.