Meet the Bonobo, Pan paniscus. Bonobos are like little Chimpanzees. In fact, they belong to the genus of Chimpanzees but the Common Chimps took the name for themselves exclusively. Even though they are a minority in the Chimpanzee world, Bonobos are higly intelligent. Research suggests that they are even smarter than the Common Chimp, which you have to admit is pretty smart for a hairy little jungle-dweller. Bonobos also way better behaved - just ask Wikipedia.org:

Bonobos were discovered in 1928, by American anatomist Harold Coolidge,… though credit for the discovery went to the German Ernst Schwarz, who published the findings in 1929. They are distinguished by an upright gait, a matriarchal and egalitarian culture, and the prominent role of sexual intercourse in their society.

While Common Chimps are relatively nasty little fuckers, Bonobos have forged an idyllic society based on mutual respect and cooperation. Except for occasionally being beaten up for their lunch money by gangs of delinquent Common Chimps, they live in peace and harmony. They are all devout readers of New Scientist, which they don’t quite understand but feel looks good on the coffee table. Also, like human nerds, they are obsessed with sex:

Sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, being used as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution and post-conflict reconciliation, and a favor traded by the females in exchange for food… This happens within the immediate family as well as outside of it. Bonobos do not form permanent relationships with partners.

The last time I tried to use sexual intercourse as a greeting it was taken completely the wrong way. Bonobo society is way better. Did I mention that they are also largely vegetarian?

Unlike Common Chimpanzees, who have been known to hunt monkeys, Bonobos are primarily herbivores, although they do eat insects and have been observed occasionally catching small mammals such as squirrels. Their primary food source is fruit.

There you go: Bonobos are socially conscious, sexually liberated, and trying earnestly to be vegan. Where has it got them? On the endangered list, that’s where. Due to human pressures, there are only a few thousand left. That’s barely enough to get Mark Hamill to come out for their annual science-fiction convention. Some are calling it ape genocide, which I think is totally appropriate. We must save these little critters, for they are truly the Nerds of the Jungle just as we are nerds of the human world. How? I dunno. Donate some money or something.