Taaaaaax Reeeeeeeeefund!!
I emerged from my office in the fake-looking twilight and made my way to the nearest ATM. Took out a fresh, uncrinkled lobster to pad out the wallet situation, and found that my account was somewhere in the order of two grand bigger than I had been expecting. Unusual. I chalked it up to a malfunctioning cash machine or perhaps to my job suddenly paying me a lot more than it used to.
I proposed (to myself, because there was no one there) to blow it on an electric guitar. Yeah.
Then I realised - it was my tax return money. Or was it just my tax return, which was incidentally some money? I couldn’t remember the correct terminology. Either way I had worked for this return, and it suddenly didn’t feel quite right to waste it on a hundred and thirty kilos of re-packaged Mars Bars.
Wandering off deflated into that ersatz night, I thought of all the things that would be worthwhile spending tax return on but would make me feel too guilty.
>>Mark’s Top Ten of Useless Crap to Blow Your Tax Return On:
1. The back catalogue of Talking Heads records
2. ‘79 Toyota Celica
3. An iPod for every day of the week
4. Original ‘Desert Storm’ battle dress uniform and helmet
5. Shetland pony
6. Night with Gillian Anderson
7. Hang gliding lessons
8. Attempt at world domination
9. Shares in that company that bleaches peoples’ butts
10. Anything from Paddy Pallin
Any other ideas?
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get a toyota corolla (in japan “trueno” AE86 model) and do it up like the one from Initial D. Start your own drift team. Go drifting. You will be the coolest mutherfucker on campus. Especially your campus. Believe it. Yep.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Initial_D
Comment by Glen — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 12:37 am
Hang gliding lessons!
Comment by Robert — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 2:31 pm
I’ve always been a fan of world domination. What’s your plan? Better yet, how ’bout you blow the tax return dosh on getting all of us drunk while you tell us about the world domination gig?
Comment by nailpolishblues — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 3:58 pm
Glen - sounds dangerous. Plus, if we’re going anime, I’d rather build a giant robot.
Robert - see my reply to Glen. Dangerous.
Nails - see my reply to glen. A giant robot.
Comment by Mark — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 4:38 pm
Great, can it be in the shape of a flying turtle?
Comment by nailpolishblues — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 5:46 pm
How is a flying turtle shaped differently to a normal turtle? Is it more streamlined or something?
Comment by Robert — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 9:36 pm
I assume so. Nails will pilot it to save all of mankind - and develop severe mental instabilities! FATHER!
Comment by Mark — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 10:01 pm
Take me away on a fabulous holiday. I’d like somewhere warm… maybe Cairns or Broome. I’m great company, I swear.
Comment by James — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 11:21 pm
Cairns is a shithole. The whole oh FNQ is best avoided - unless you like pig and/or redneck shooting. Rednecks are much more fun - much more squealing.
Am I meant to be Luke Skywalker or something? I realy don’t want to snog my sister and I’ve already inherited severe mental instabilities from my father ‘the choppers, doc, can you hear them? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ [shoot shoot blah blah].
A flying turtle has wings - normal turtles don’t - it’s really that simple :)
Comment by nailpolishblues — Wednesday August 17 2005 @ 11:45 pm
Get the guitar, you know you want to.
Just for your info, I spent my last 2 grand on a motorbike and a helmet. Now I just need the leather pants. When the weather gets better..
Comment by Morgan — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 1:23 am
just go the leather pants. don’t need a motorbike. hmmm, maybe a helmet.
Comment by Glen — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 12:09 pm
You don’t need tax return money to buy back catalogue Talking Heads records. Just wander down to Goulds and pick ‘em up for $2 …
You HAVE heard of Goulds being an Enmore boy now, right ?
Comment by DisappearingBoy — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 12:50 pm
James - I’d rather take the barmaid, frankly.
Nails - it’s a Shinji thing.
Morgan - I would have no use for a guitar at all. I think I’ll go for option 9 - the butt-bleaching thing.
Glen - leather pants? big helmet? Someone’s compensating.
Pete - you’ll have to give me directions…
Comment by Mark — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 12:58 pm
A flying turtle has wings - normal turtles don’t - it’s really that simple :)
Not quite:
The Shrine of Gamera
Comment by anthony — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 5:09 pm
Better yet, give me the cocaine, and I’ll stop making asinine comments and amusing your little friends :) [or am I offending them? Oh dear, I really can’t tell..]
Comment by nailpolishblues — Thursday August 18 2005 @ 8:51 pm
hmpf.
well i’ve already blogged on the ‘tax return’:
http://glenfuller.blogspot.com/2004/12/social-utility-of-tax-return.html
yeah.
Comment by Glen — Friday August 19 2005 @ 2:27 am
Goulds Newsagency & Used Book Emporium - the big, dirty white shop at the uni end of King Street, just past Nicks store (Pulp Books). Run by comrade Gould himself, who gives you shitty margins if you’re trying to actually offload books, and who has no concept of the Dewey decimal system meaning finding a specific title is fairly challenging.
Nonetheless, Goulds is a virtual cornucopia of literature, literally filled to the brim with mountains of obscure / scattalogical / interesting books and a vast array of cheap records. He carries Furry Freak Brothers comics for Pete’s sake !
A definite “must do” stop for the serious inner-city bohemian … I’m truly surprised noone has taken you there yet. Maybe when Mellipop is back in Sydney, you, her and I can make date of it :)
Comment by DisappearingBoy — Friday August 19 2005 @ 10:52 am
Goulds has - Left Book Shop originals with the most bizarre titles, a million totally unexpected things in a million unexpected places, and the best opening hours of all time. It’s totally unmissable.
Comment by nailpolishblues — Friday August 19 2005 @ 3:00 pm
Now that you mention it, I’ve seen that place and never gone inside. Sound a lot better than the warehouse one across the road. That place is a fire hazard.
Ta.
Comment by Mark — Friday August 19 2005 @ 3:10 pm
Goulds is definitely a fire hazard. Especially upstairs. Unless they’ve cleared it up recently…
My fav [bookstore] is the old guy with the cat on King St. I love that cat.
Comment by nailpolishblues — Friday August 19 2005 @ 4:31 pm