I can’t remember them all, but I think I know all the good ones. I will note the age that I was when each present came. If they were just cash, and I haven’t put them in.

9: A small box of sinkers and fish hooks. We had tried fishing a few times that summer and I think this was a going-home present. I kept it on the table by my bed. I would not open it because he said lead would give you brain damage.

10: A toy submarine to share with my half-sister. I explained to him the standing interdiction he and his wife had against war toys, which made him reach into the back of the car and snap the deck cannon off, leaving a hole. When we put it in water, it would always sink.

12: A small sign saying ‘Mark’ that was actually a decal torn off a Datsun Mark II. He must have been poking around at the car dealership on Whitehorse Road when he saw it.

15: A hot melt glue gun. It was my birthday. My father used his the summer before to stick seashells to things decoratively, so he thought I might like one. His wife said, later on, that he was emotionally handicapped and that I hadn’t wanted it. I thought it was pretty good actually.

17: A mechanic’s tool kit. I never really work on cars, but I still use the shifter and screwdrivers that came with this kit. It was a bastard to lug home from summer holidays.

21: SCUBA tank connector. This small bit of metal allowed my dad’s tanks to fit my regulator, which I had bought along for holidays. I decided that diving with him was too dangerous, so he used it by himself. I should have left it there, but he wouldn’t have got the message.

23: A small torch. I actually needed a torch this year, so it was a good present.

I probably don’t need to make much of a commentary on the list as a whole. I realise now how akward my father is. He wants to show that he cares, but doesn’t always know how. I also suspect that he doesn’t know very much about my life, and almost nothing about me as a person. Sometimes I try to tell him, but when I do I get the feeling that he’s not really interested. Perhaps he’s happy to think of himself as caring, but doesn’t understand that there’s a gap between appeasing his conscience and having a real relationship. I don’t know. The presents mostly speak for themselves.