Having done bugger all of note today I will give you a Fairly Good Meme from T at girl.blog.etc. That way you can learn all about my six idiosyncrasies. Actually, I’m not sure I can muster up six - a large part of my adult life has been spent trying to be more like everyone else, and it’s been quite a successful project so I’m not that idiosyncratic at all.

1. The writing of the songs. Most people will do this at some point or other, at the very least changing the words from ABBA’s ‘Mama Mia’ to ‘Gonhorrhea’, but I do it quite a lot. I then have to practice each one over and over again, mostly after midnight when the mood always strikes. I play very quiet music, see, so it’s cool at night. And despite my eminent genius for it, at least half of them are complete garbage that no one will ever want, or be forced, to hear. That’s the most idiosyncratic part I think - I will tinker with a ditty about the mating habits of frogs* until my stomach climbs up my chest cavity and strangles my brain, Vogon style.

2. Ironing. I am the world’s slowest ironer. It takes a good ten minutes for me to do a business shirt, and pants I can never get right without some kind of ruler or T-square. I’m glad I work in an environment where it’s always Casual Friday.

3. I am also the slowest at: eating food, any kind of housework, and having a shower. I am, however, the fastest at: walking places, getting jokes and supermarket shopping. None of these are really idiosyncrasies but I was on a roll there so shut up.

4. As I’ve remarked before, and indeed named by website in honour of, I collect all manner of paper stuff. Sometimes I do it involuntarily, gathering folders and overheads and administrative garbage in huge piles on my desk, but often I just do it for the hell of it. Tickets, adverts, leaflets with interesting pictures, photos and et ceteta junk. All of which I bluetack to every available surface. (Not being allowed to poster my apartment walls tears me up inside.) I guess I just love anything two-dimensional, especially when it has a neat design or some personal meaning attached to it.

5. I am always five minutes early. I regard it as part of common decency.

6. Okay, last one! I am a hankerchief user. I don’t know whether this is idiosyncratic or not - there might be legions of folks out there with handkerchieves but I just can’t tell. Some people think it’s not cool blowing your nose on something and putting it back in your pocket, and that’s cool I can dig it, but I was never all that grossed out by snot you know? So I go with it. If you rock the handkerchief (or would like to find out how) please leave a comment and say, like, “hi - I’m with you buddy.”

Well, looks like there are at least six things separating me from Completely Average. I think it could be worse though.

*True. That was one annoying song.