• I have been sick. I would rant and rave about it, but it really wasn’t that bad - only it sucks because the school is hosting a conference and I want to go, but with my tiredness and constant nose-blowing I would make a real dick of myself if I did. Snorting for half an hour and then falling asleep is not a good way to receive someone’s paper.

Ooh, here’s a new ‘bit’ I developed last night: Facts About Mark’s Nose!

1) I am used to colds, since I spent most of my childhood drenched in snot. I was allergic to dust and pollen, so with the dusty sheets and fluffy jumpers of winter and the flowers of summer, I had the whole year covered. Nowadays I’m mostly over it, but sometimes my nose will start running like a tap just to prove that it’s still a bit part of my life.

2) I have a favourite nostril - it’s the right one.

3) I am a VERY accomplished sneezer. I don’t just ‘achoo’ politely, but really throw my back into it with vigour. It has been said to resemble an epileptic fit. If there are no strangers watching and no furniture in the way, I can usually pull off a row of five or six and end up lying on the floor clutching my nose. If there were a world championship for melodramatic sneezes, I wouldn’t just win it - the trophy would be a statue of me.

Well I hope you enjoyed ‘Facts About Mark’s Nose’. Those are really the only interesting facts, so there’s won’t be a second episode.

• I am VERY ANGRY. Today I went to do my washing and left it going in the laundromat while I went to get groceries. Then, when I came back to get it, the laundromat was closed early for the public holiday. Not just at 3pm like it said on the door, but ten minutes earlier than that. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to scrape my clothes out of the bottom of the fucking washing machine. My jacket will be all wrinkled. Why would you give someone change for the machine if you were planning to shut the shop before the machine had time to finish? Grr!
• I have realised, after being told so many times, that I need to see Sean of the Dead. The only problem is that Blockbuster scares me. There are all these doors and electronic detectors to get through, then there’s millions of DVDs arranged in no particular order so you have to wander around for fifteen minutes trying to find the one you want, and finally there are all the bizarre rules about discounts and days of the week so you can never tell exactly how much you’re going to have to spend. It’s a nightmare. But I will try.