Q:
Do girls always fall for the guys who are jerks, or do the guys always turn into jerks when some girl falls for them?
Discuss.
Personally, I can think of evidence for both propositions. I sometimes - okay usually - act like a dick when girls are involved. Feelings are tricky. On the other hand, if I were meaner I’m sure I would have more girlfriends. Pippa is case in point: if I were nasty and manipulative she would have hung around longer for sure, especially in light of the drug-dealing abusive cretin she went out with after me.
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Even though I am one of those girls who appears to always be falling for jerks, I can’t shed any light on the subject. I have pondered and pondered and pondered, but I can’t work it out. Two theories:
(1) we are attracted to jerkular activity at some level (conscious or subconscious); or,
(2) people are just closet jerks, and as soon as they get lucky, they decide that they no longer need to hide the fact, and revert to their natural jerky state.
Perhaps, like all things, it is a terrible combination of both? Confounding factor: I suspect that I am a particularly bad judge of character, so any data gathered from me are probably not going to be very useful.
Comment by boofuls — Friday November 10 2006 @ 12:31 am
Yeah, like an adult agreeing to be called Pippa wasn’t warning enough.
I wear my jerk on my chubby little sleeve and girls don’t…oh wait, I’m not a boy…
Sorry, I’ve got nothing - I’m not a fan of jerks though and, fortunately, they’re too busy insulting me to be interested. Talk about win/win.
Comment by nailpolishblues — Friday November 10 2006 @ 1:48 am
I, too, have noticed that the bitchiest women always snag the nicest guys, and vice versa.
Perhaps it’s just the yin/yang of the universe trying to even things out.
As far as I’m concerned, this one gets filed under “Unsolved Mysteries”.
- M
Comment by Marcheline — Friday November 10 2006 @ 2:11 am
I’m only coming up with the theory that it all stems from an inherent want to rehabilitate or nurse a pool of tar into a jacuzzi. They see the jerk and a-hole as a challenge that they can come into and renovate like a BACKYARD BLITZ.
Men spend time on DIY, women on making men better.
And they usually head toward the bottom of the pit, because should they come out on top, it’s all the more worthwhile.
There, and I’ve only just then read your question. I fail all my essays.
Comment by Switch — Friday November 10 2006 @ 2:14 am
i think the essence of jerks, male or female is that they are manipulative. its that ‘can do’ entrepreneurial attitude. perhaps its the people that are better judges of character that see through the bullshit and avoid them. or write blogs about ‘em.
Comment by bob — Friday November 10 2006 @ 2:27 am
I suspect this is one of those urban myths. Did anyone check Snopes?
I know a lot of lovely boys who are with lovely girls. I know a lot of couples who take it in turns to be a jerk.
Personally, I completely fail to be attracted to jerks (although I admit to frequently being attracted to arrogant sods). I am a little bit worried that means I’m the jerk, but let’s all hope not, in part for the sake of this argument.
Also - maybe the perception that nice guys (or girls) are frequently attracted to jerks is partly due to the fact that we’re usually only friends, at first, with one half of a couple. So we tend to take on their position, and the other half of the couple gets to be the jerk.
Did any of that make sense?
I suspect it is past my bedtime.
Comment by sky — Friday November 10 2006 @ 3:34 am
Hello! Felt kinda whimsy & like to shove my two cents in this morning!
I personally make a rule of not going out with/fuck (excuse me french) jerks. It’s not more of a rule than just a natural turn off though. I agree with Mr. Bob about how they are ‘manipulative’ with an ‘entrepreneurial attitude’, and well, who wants to touch those? You just might catch their jerky cooties. Then again, i come from a country where there are such things as ‘Frat boys’, so it is easier to spot & run/throw stones at them. I do however have been out with asses before. But only bc they’re funnier. And less evil.
As to why this happens, there are indeed many theories. I suppose it’s the same reason why nice boys are attracted to the most manipuative human canine, like to be mislead, trampled on, used & abused. It all comes down to what you are willing to settle for. And hormones. Hormones are the King of The Universe. And the lies you are willing to tell yourself too. ‘Oh, but he really loves me, deep inside!’, ‘If i stick with her, she’ll one day understand how much i love her, and she will be mine!’, or ‘See! he can be nice to me…He gets me…’, or the classic ‘I’m just too lazy’, and so on & so forth. For me though, it’s all in the intention. Eveyone can be hurtful, especially when ‘feelings’ are involved, but when someone is being intentional about it, manipulative about it, to get what he/she wants, then, sorry, i’m compelled to kung fu kick their arses.
Then again, i am idiot.
Okay, carry on, now. Don’t mind this little rant.
Lovely little place, you’ve got, by the way.
Comment by V — Friday November 10 2006 @ 4:07 am
A: Sometimes with some people.
Some guys/girls always fall for a bitch/jerk. I can’t say why, I’m sure I had a theory at one point. And some people do turn into jerks once they have acquired a mate, probably because they are “closet jerks’ (I like that phrase, thanks boofuls).
Personally I’m not into the real jerky jerk-types. And I think my sheild of Sarcasm keeps them from being interested in me. All I seem to be getting chasing me of late is dorky mama’s boys who live in their parents’ basement.
Comment by winter — Friday November 10 2006 @ 7:17 am
Guys who are jerks have a lot of confidence, which I think is what girls fall for. Nice guys are what girls look for after they’ve been walked over their whole young lives, it usually takes us many mistakes to realise this. Sometimes some girls don’t realise this at all and go through a constant litany of jerkishness their whole lives. Fun times for them.
Perhaps if there were more nice guys with confidence this wouldn’t happen so much.
Ah what would I know.
Comment by Mish — Friday November 10 2006 @ 11:31 am
LOL, biggest comments EVER.
Lizzy - Well, I’ll still tune in to your musings on the jerkularity of guys just to see if you come up with anything.
Nails - Yeah, you *are* one of those jerks we’re talking about, aren’t you? :P Oh, btw, she didn’t like being called Pippa and she wasn’t an adult.
Marcheline - Come on, the name of the game is ‘winge about your love life’, and we’re meant to be obsessing over relationship issues. Or are you too happily married?
bob - Yep. Some people are manipulative for no reason at all even. Just because their lives are really small and empty or something.
Sky - 0_o That’s waaaay to reasonable. You have some sweet perspective though. You must actually have relationships.
V - Thanks for the rant. Seems rants are the order of the day :) And yes, everyone needs a good friend to go kung fu the arses of all the people who try to abuse them. You are special!
Winter - Heh, ‘closet jerk’ :)
Misha - No, you are a total dude magnet - if I may invent that word - and therefore have l337 relationship knowledge. You are even more right than Sky, who wasn’t playing by the rules.
Comment by Mark — Friday November 10 2006 @ 6:25 pm
1337 relationship knowledge, KEKEKEKEKE.
I just think there are a lot of foolish girls out there. There’s a lot of game-playing in relationships, particularly when there is a jerk involved. If you feel bitter towards Pippa then I don’t blame you, but don’t be because ultimately it’s not worth it. Hopefully she’ll figure it out for herself, even if it does take a while. And in the meantime you can find someone else, so everyone wins!!
I answered your other question in my comments, perhaps I can lure people with my discussion on topical events, and then keep them around for a mini-discussion completely unrelated to the topic at hand. Score!
Comment by Mish — Friday November 10 2006 @ 11:00 pm
I think you’re right about Misha being a dude magnet - if not then there’s probably something wrong with the dudes.
Hmmm maybe you should stop obsessing with your childhood and/or lose the Lolita thing [it’s just yucky].
If it helps, Mark, I’m sure you can be as big as jerk as the rest of us. Even the nicest and generally least confident of man-boys can - I can name names and provide phone numbers if you’d like some evidence :p Or, possibly, I just bring out the jerk in people…hmmmm…
Comment by nailpolishblues — Saturday November 11 2006 @ 1:36 am
I think Liz actually fell off her chair laughing, literally, when she read the comment you wrote to me.
I do have relationships, it’s true. Mostly they are like a vortex of horror, sucking in all who surround me, and spewing forth the kind of things that make good anecdotes but terrible experiences.
(In other news: I prefer it when Liz tells stories, even if they’re my stories, because I’m fundamentally lacking in the ability to be as amusing as she is.)
Comment by sky — Saturday November 11 2006 @ 2:50 am
I think Mish summed it up…
its all game playing - read: power.
Jerk wants to dominate, significant other of jerk isnt used to making decisions on their own.
ENDGAME!
Comment by bob — Saturday November 11 2006 @ 5:02 am
I only fall for nice boys. If they start being a jerk it’s a serious turn off for me. It’s hard to make me cry and easy to keep me happy, so any guy who makes me cry is out the door.
This not falling for jerks thing might be the reason I have been single for the last 5 years, and choose to take lovers instead of boyfriends. If a lover treats me well and is worth more of time he can have me, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Most boys under 30 are still too busy sowing their seeds to treat a woman with proper respect. Fair enough tho - if guys were as awesome as girls I’d want to be sewing my seeds (being sewn?) too! :p
The verdict: Boys under 30 are lovers. Boys over 30 are lovers until proven boyfriends. ;)
Comment by serrin — Saturday November 11 2006 @ 12:27 pm
Misha - yeah, I’m not bitter about that relationship, or any other. It’s just sad to see nice girls make bad choices. Going to your site in sec, ok?
Shelley - I *can* be pretty jerk-tastic sometimes. And I don’t always realise it till later :|
bob - yep. That’s a pretty accurate script you have there.
Serrin - Being sewn? Thanks for the imagery :P PS: your site is great, as always. One day I will get a myspace login and comment, I swear.
Comment by Mark — Sunday November 12 2006 @ 3:21 pm
Guys definitely have jerk potential, they just choose to show it at such frustrating times. Case in point: I fell for a guy, my uni tutor. He seemed all for it and then (after inviting me to stay at his place that night) told me he wouldn’t be with me as he was getting back together with his ex.
Huh? Appalling
Comment by Jacqui — Wednesday November 15 2006 @ 2:37 pm
Ew, that’s double wrong. Messing around with students is not allowed, plus neither is being a dickhead. You should have sent an email to his faculty - they would have been pissed.
Comment by Mark — Thursday November 16 2006 @ 4:38 pm