Making The Deal
I’m off to Sydney tomorrow. I will take some pictures, copious quantities of pictures, but I am also a bit scared. My supervisor wants me back in Sydney so I can be under her watchful gaze, and this is the meeting where we decide when I have to go there and for how long. The problem with Sydney is I never really had the initiative, or the wherewithal, to try making a Serious Meaningful Life there. Despite the best efforts of a few fellow bloggers, I always felt bored and disconnected. Now I will have to go through possibly another year and a half of that and - this is the annoying thing - just so I can meet with my supervisor for an hour every month. The way things are going, I don’t even think I’ll be given guest lecture spots so I can learn how to be a lecturer. I’ll pretty much be doing what I’m doing here, except with less socialising and more wearing pyjamas during the day.
Not that I don’t want to be there. It is the best way to do things. I just figure I’m about to be sucked into a deal that won’t give me any balance between home life and away life. I’ll let you know how it goes.
PS: On a lighter note, anyone who watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone the other night will have TOTALLY MISSED the cameo by Joss Whedon in Veronica Mars. He was an annoying rental car clerk.
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Good luck, homeboy. I’m sure it’ll all be good.
Just remember yo’ iz a bad azz playa killa an’ ain’ no supaviza gon’ mess wid’ dat. Yeeeeeeah. Bring dem **** stylz!
Comment by Tomás Ford — Sunday November 19 2006 @ 5:02 pm
Didn’t miss the Whedon guest spot at all. Knew what it was and totally opted off of the Stone in favour of the MARS blast.
Comment by Switch — Sunday November 19 2006 @ 6:50 pm
Maybe you can negotiate something with your supervisor? Unless she’s a hardass, perhaps you can come to some sort of arrangement where you can stay in Perth and just travel to Sydney when required?
Either way, I know a few Sydney bloggers who are always up for Friday night drinking and debauchery so you will not lack for entertainment!
Comment by Mish — Sunday November 19 2006 @ 9:09 pm
Don’t be a twat, Mark. Come back to Sydney and be happy with it [think of all those provincial kids who would die to be you]. I can’t imagine that you’d be able to stay in Perth always anyway so you may as well get used to living elsewhere.
I’m good for Sunday nights - so long as you can tolerate the Duke and that absolutely stunning bar-boy.
Also, I’ve a half-arsed plan to live with other humans again - if you’re interested.
Comment by nailpolishblues — Sunday November 19 2006 @ 10:51 pm
Tomas - Yeah, I’ll be tuff… -ish. PS: watch the personal info you put in comments.
Switch - That’s my man. Well done. Joss should play *every* character in that show, I think.
Misha - Drinking and debauchery? Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.
Nails - Maybe I’d be interested if you stopped calling me a twat?
At any rate, it isn’t just as simple as ‘being happy with it’. I guess I can make more of an effort to fit in next time, but you still can’t substitute drinks with internet people for the relationships you’ve had all your life. Maybe it’s different with some people, I don’t know. Personally, I don’t feel like a human unit that can be slotted into any given social niche. Did at one time, don’t any more. Is it any different for you?
Comment by Mark — Monday November 20 2006 @ 7:00 pm
Mark, if you’re out here in the city, and I pull you aside, I can assure you I will make you feel as estranged as a creepy guy down the road what hands out warm lollies in loose wrapping to the childrens and their pet ducks.
Comment by Switch — Monday November 20 2006 @ 9:15 pm
Although I sometimes I don’t like Sydney - like at the moment, but I’m heading bush this weekend to get some fresh air - deep down I know it’s where I want and need to live.
I think it’s because the small country town in which I grew up doesn’t offer me the freedom Sydney does. And it’s not the cliches you’d think, not the expected stuff, it’s the “choices” Sydney offers, the ability to be me.
When I go home to Lismore, I become “Jimmy” again, the eighteen year old who left there, and who, in the eyes of my family and friends will always be “Jimmy”.
But I don’t want to be Jimmy, I want to be James. Maybe in some ways it’s like Muriel who changed her named to Mariel when she moved to Sydney in “Muriel’s Wedding”.
On top of that, Sydney offers me the chance to be James, the grownup, to have a life that I can enjoy, and to have the career choices that I can’t back home.
That said, when I was living in Perth, pursuing my career, I felt like I was a thousand miles from home - four thousand kilometres actually - and I often felt alone, although everyone was very friendly.
So I totally understand what you’re saying Mark…
The question you have to ask yourself is where you want to be in five years time, or ten, and what you need to do to get yourself there, fulfilling the desire to balance both work and life.
…and this is what it’s like when doves cry.
Comment by James — Monday November 20 2006 @ 10:13 pm
Even in the quite short time you were gone didn’t you notice that things had changed? The relationships will always be there but they can be had at a distance too. And sometimes, quite frankly, they’re better at distance.
You’re right though that it’s not fair of me to make fun of you. I lived here as a child and my best friend from pre-school was the one who met me off the plane and drove me to my new place. I have family here [more than even I care to number] and so much support if and when I need it. The thing is that I don’t really need it, and I don’t really want it, even if it is lovely to have it. Part of the reason I moved [have I ever said where I grew up? Hmmm, not publicly posting that…] was to prove to myself that I could live away from my support, that I could grow up and look after myself and not live in my parents’ pockets - something which I think my older sister does.
I’m kind of like James too, in that I need the space to be myself more than I could have been had I stayed in a smaller town. I need the freedom and the independence and to not see my former schoolmates every time I go for a drink or go to the shops. I need not to be the person that everyone had decided I was.
As for the niche - shit, do I seem like someone who slots in anywhere? I’m awkward and cantankerous and have an appalling habit of getting drunk and saying and doing extremely stupid, and often offensive, things to and with virtual [no pun intended] strangers. I think I’m finally finding my niche now - I’ve picked up some good friends and quite a lot of sundry acquaintances and am figuring, oh still, who I am and what I want and what I want from other people. It’s not easy, it’s never been easy, it’s been seven years of not easy but it’s better than the easy was. Easy is the death of growth. Lately, I’ve been too easy – oh dear.
‘Fit in’? What the fuck? Don’t try to ‘fit in’ just be Mark. It’s one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made – trying to be what I think the other people are like. It doesn’t work and you only end up feeling even sillier than before. Especially when you can no longer hold the lie and find yourself pissing yourself laughing at very lame sexually oriented puns that your company has been too slow to pick up on…just as an example, you know…?
Comment by nailpolishblues — Tuesday November 21 2006 @ 12:20 am
Someone once told me that it takes about two years to start to consider a new place home. I don’t know why two years, but I suppose it’s as good a suggestion as anything else.
Anyway, after your PhD, you’ll have to go somewhere else again to chase the elusive research grants, yeah? I suspect you will become one of those annoying people who seem to have friends all around the world and always have access to a couch to crash on. Relish the experience. If you’re not enjoying yourself, why are you doing it?
Comment by boofuls — Tuesday November 21 2006 @ 12:30 am
Good Luck with your trip.
Didn’t see Whedon on Mars, but I saw Nathan Fillion on Lost, which was a nice little bonus. :)
Though I’ve never lived more than 100 miles from where I grew up I’ve moved around a lot in that area. Settling down into a new house or apartment has always been easy for me. I like to move around, even if it’s been in the same part of the I’ve been in for the last six years. I’m comfortable with it, but I don’t really consider it ‘home’.
I went to my family’s vacation home this past summer for the first time in over ten years. That felt like home.
I guess for me, I like to move and the change, so where ever I’ve unpacked my stuff is home. And really, I think in a year or two I’m going to be ready to move out of this town and get somewhere new. It’s time.
Not that any of that helps you. I hope that it all works out for you, whether you have to move or not. And I agree with nailpolishblues, be you and fuck ‘fitting in’. I’ve never been happier since adopting that motto.
Anyway, have a safe trip and good luck again.
Comment by winter — Tuesday November 21 2006 @ 1:34 pm
OH AND THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE NICE COMMENTS. YOUSE ROCK.
Switch - but you can’t be completely gruesome, can you?
James - thanks for the advice, as always. Seems to me like Sydney is full of people from other places.
Nails - Coming back, most of the relationships I had are just as good, if not better than they were. I don’t know why. I just feel like a few things that were not so good before are now good.
As far as ‘fitting in’ goes, I think we imagine it in different ways. For you, it seems to be something nasty: living up to the expectations of others and being someone you don’t want to be. I think you’re missing the positive side, where fitting in allows you to be who you want to be. What I mean to say is, you can’t be yourself if you don’t fit into a group of people that allow you to express yourself in different ways. It’s complex! :P
Liz - Yes, two years or maybe a bit more. And I don’t know about getting work at home, but either way, I don’t want to find myself ten years from now with nothing but a high-powered CV and a lot of stamps on my passport. Maybe it’s not that black-and-white, but you still get my point, right? Some people like to wander, and others suffer through it because they think they have an important task to complete - I share neither the former proclivity or the latter delusion, and would rather have a nice big beer and some dvds of Scrubs.
Winter - Your story is cool, and I would like to hear how it ends. As for fitting in, I reckon it rocks and I said why in response to Shelley.
Comment by Mark — Tuesday November 21 2006 @ 4:54 pm
Yo! I’m back from the dead and with a new blog, no less. Have friended you already.
As for Sydney, i hope it all works out and you can enjoy the next year-and-a-half as much as poss!
Comment by Chuffed_enuff — Tuesday November 21 2006 @ 10:59 pm
I was going to be all advisory again, but I realised that I have absolutely no authority to give advice about this! Instead, I’ll just say that you’re a pretty excellent person (from what I’ve seen), and “fitting in” anywhere you went would be a piece of piss, I’m sure.
On the other hand, good friends are hard to find.
Comment by boofuls — Wednesday November 22 2006 @ 12:10 am
Lee - YAY! Lemme see yr new site.
Liz - Yeah, I think friends are easy to find, but finding someone who actually ‘gets’ you (damn that’s a stupid way of putting it) is difficult.
Comment by Mark — Wednesday November 22 2006 @ 7:46 pm