Strippers. Disgusting strippers.
So James invited me to the Newtown Hotel’s amateur strip contest. The picture above is of the host, but I can’t remember her name. Anyhow, it’s a night where amateur contestants, and one extremely drunk member of the crowd, strip down to their undies and dance around the pole for the chance to win a hundred bucks. The place was packed.
The strippers were:
A chick in a body suit. She had a whole ’skanky stripper’ performance, but she was more of a feature act than a contestant. Her suit had fake ladybits on it.
Mr. ‘Jack Boot.’ He wore leather pants and had lots of body hair. The guys I was there with didn’t like him because he took his clothes off too slowly and looked a bit stoned, but I thought he was okay.
Suzie Q, Miss Nude New South Wales. She was the only actually hot stripper, but she was another feature act so she couldn’t win. She expertly took her clothes off to some Goldfrapp song and to Nick Cave’s ‘Red Right Hand,’ which were pretty great choices. In fact, I can now only appreciate Nick Cave as music for hot strippers to shake their pasties to.
The bartender. Imagine Gollum, but with more body hair. He won, though, since Jack was the only other contestant.
Some drunk guy from the audience with a Star Trek communicator badge.
A professional male stripper who was, well, the epitome of cheesy professional male strippers.
So, er, it was very fun and there was lots of hooting. I didn’t hoot though. And Andrew was there.
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Jeez, a whole post about strippers and no one has commented yet? Something must be up in the blogternet.
A trekkie stripping? Are you sure you didn’t stumble into some embarassment laden coming of age movie?
Comment by Becky — Saturday August 25 2007 @ 4:15 pm
Mark, you are far too kind. They were all terrible! James
Comment by James — Saturday August 25 2007 @ 4:44 pm
Becky - Meh. Nobody comments on my blog no more. I’m cool with that.
And no, the trekky was more like 25 and looked a bit skanky already.
James - Hey, if you think you can bring it…
Comment by Mark — Saturday August 25 2007 @ 7:02 pm
Hey, moo-ghost then strippers…? I just don’t know what to say anymore…
Comment by nailpolishblues — Saturday August 25 2007 @ 9:15 pm
Sounds like the male review they used to have at the local redneck bar Whiskey Dick’s.
Classy! :)
Comment by Julia — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 2:08 am
Whiskey Dick’s? Never since the pub called The bald faced stag [I think I have that right] have I wanted to visit a place so much.
Comment by nailpolishblues — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 1:33 pm
Whiskey Dick’s was originally called Checkers before the owner’s son took over and tried to clean it up. Which I think is an insult on a iconic local landmark. Doesn’t every town need that one bar where the employees are doing drugs in the backroom and a pregnant single woman with a steady job is the most desired female in the place?
Anyway, now we have neither as the new owner has moved his premesis to “downtown” and renamed it again (149 North) and is now aiming at the college crowd.
Comment by Becky — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 2:44 pm
Stripping is cool eh? This year’s Grand Final is September 13. Be there or be square!! :)
Comment by James — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 6:29 pm
Anger at the gentrification of Bowling Green, hey? Wait till the bourgeois bohemians move in and you can have ironic strippers like in Newtown.
James - Sounds good :)
Comment by Mark — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 8:29 pm
How come you didn’t get up and give it a go?
Comment by Mish — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 8:56 pm
Well, let’s think about that…
a) I don’t have any cool stripper moves.
b) I would have forgotten to take of my shoes, and toppled into the crowd with my pants around my ankles.
c) I didn’t want any more homoattention that I was already getting.
Comment by Mark — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 9:03 pm
*than. Stupid n and t keys are next to each other.
Comment by Mark — Sunday August 26 2007 @ 11:04 pm
hahaha
Practice makes perfect, I hear (re: points a and b). You can buy beds these days with inbuilt dance poles. I know this thanks to the power of pay tv.
Comment by Mish — Monday August 27 2007 @ 6:10 am
Oh boy. Since noting James was on his way to this landmark event, I had been waiting for a post… and you’ve come up with the GOODS. Sounds better than a night out at South Arm!
I do hope you’re not considering a career in politics once the PhD’s done, though. The night doesn’t seem to have quite the cred you’d be wanting for a scandal, and sadly there were two witnesses to confirm it was pretty lame debauchery. Now where’s the profile enhancement in that?
Comment by Miss Andrea — Monday August 27 2007 @ 9:39 am
Mish - A dance pole would be pretty useless. How about a bed with a built in Nintendo?
Miss A - Yeah it’s pretty lame, but at least I’m not apologising for going there.
Comment by Mark — Monday August 27 2007 @ 4:29 pm
Yes, I would have liked a bit of the homoattention focussed in my direction, not yours, thankyou! :)
Comment by James — Monday August 27 2007 @ 8:29 pm
[…] Sadly, Vanessa was on holidays in Thailand, replaced by the very fine Nurse Betty (or something like that). Sadly also they were clearly struggling for contestants. Thus the lineup included only one actual contestant, who took an awfully long time to take his clothes off. And while my fellow attendee, Papertrap thought that was okay, The Other Andrew rightly observed he was pretty lame. If you can imagine yourself having gone out for a night with friends and having consumed a beer or thirty, and then on your arrival home, you start taking your clothes off at the front door, and by the time you’ve made it to the bedroom some ten minutes later you still haven’t managed to get your pants, shoes and socks off before you finally collapse on the bed. If you can imagine all of that, you can imagine the only real contestant last night. […]
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