Tragically I have nothing to write about. Very boring here. Productive and boring.

Oh, but I can recommend three things to make boredom less boring:
the EP of Joanna Newsom and the Ys Street Band
robot romance comics at www.dieselsweeties.com/
I Fought the Law (and the Law Won) played on the ukulele

Advice: when you lose your wallet, make sure you cancel the right credit card. Otherwise, when you grab the backup card and go to get some weekend cash, the machine will eat it and a) you will be stuck with no money at all b) you will suddenly realise that someone might have been stealing from your credit card for more than 12 hours. Or, in my case, replace ‘your credit card’ with ‘your mum’s emergency-only stuck-in-a-foreign-country credit card.’ Crap! At least the wallet turned up safe.

Also, I bought a ukelele. It sucks so badly though. I have never returned anything ever, but I’m going to give it a try with this. There’s a lesson to be learned, kids: a cheap uke will make you puke. Or something.

Dammit I lost my wallet. Can the person who finds it please bring it to my place? I’ll make you a smoothie!

No, wait, I can’t go and buy ingredients because my wallet is missing. This really SUCKS.

Have taken a strong dislike to the word ‘very.’ Delete it straight after I write it. It’s such a redundant word.

Meme from James. Hey, who is coming to the meet at the Arthouse this Thurs?

5 Life Goals:
1) Get the skillz
2) Pay the billz
3) Purchase a Corolla
4) Covince a girl with between 6 and 12 fingers to marry me
5) PARTY!

What’s in the news? I’m recovering from the hilarious illness that made me miserable last week, I’m touch-typing (though slowly) in dvorak, and I’m enjoying the short stories of Truman Capote. If you are doing any of the above yourself, then please pretend I just made an (embarrassing/nerdy/literary) joke about whichever one applies to you.

I am also planning to write some CD reviews for the magazine edited by the lovely Mish, and that will provide no end of hilarity I’m sure.

Oh, and today I said Hi to a girl with 8.5 fingers. I used to think she was nuts but now she drives me wild with desire. I mean who doesn’t lately, but her especially. (How the hell do you correctly punctuate that sentence, btw?)

List from the University of Chicago scavenger hunt. Includes items such as:
a chainsaw carving of a chainsaw
hentai henna
pants containing a party
oral jenga
“pimp that snack”
a ginger bread house of ill repute
a periodic coffee table of the elements

Mmm, cheesecake. Festivals of delicious cheesecake.

I have been a little bummed out lately. A number of things didn’t turn out my way, like I’ve been sick and a bit overworked in the typing department, plus the story I sent it to Voiceworks was rejected. (They said there wasn’t enough character development, so I think I should give up on putting characters in my stories completely since character development isn’t ever really the point, and then maybe they’ll like the next one. Or hate it completely, whatever.)

But the point of all this is to say: if I were in WA, I would be able to go out with some friends and drink/twister/hang-out-with-my-wang-out until I didn’t care about any of that crap, but stuck here, it just stays and stays. It takes longer to feel normal again, there are no distractions. You get, well… fragile, I guess is the word. It’s not a huge issue, but it builds up on you.

Anyway, this is the main reason I’m not going to type too much:

DVORAKED!!!!!!!! I’m so slow at it :-( But I know the positions already, so hope is there. Wish me luck!

It’s a sucky day today. I’m tired of typing. Still haven’t found the video store. Et cetera.

But, hey, who could feel down after reading a random page on QDB?

#290466 +(1969)- [X]

[raven] Any cat people here? I’ve got a problem with Nicky…
[Leth] I’ve been known to be handy with a wok
[Lore] Why, I’m a cat person.
[raven] I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
[raven] Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
[raven] Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
[CrazyClimber] nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
[Lore] Yeah, I’ve seen that happen.
[raven] Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
[tieboy] how about a bath
[CrazyClimber] just give it a day or so
[Lore] We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
[agent_orange] butter?
[agent_orange] you buttered your cat?
[Lore] Yes.
[raven] it’s the best way to butter the house.
[raven] Cats are effective butter delivery units.
[Lore] We read somewhere to put butter on a cat’s forehead.
[agent_orange] did the emolient facilitate insertion?
[Lore] And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
[Lore] As I said, it didn’t work.
[agent_orange] you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING
[tieboy] rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
[agent_orange] piss on them both at the same time
[tieboy] KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
[raven] It’s more fun to put tape on their feet.
[agent_orange] why not do both
[agent_orange] and then get out the handycam
[Lore] I believe what I was thinking was “Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn’t, I get to butter the cat’s forehead.”
[agent_orange] AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
[Samwise] You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
[agent_orange] now, see, I read somewhere –
[agent_orange] I think it was leviticus
[agent_orange] — that what you should do is frost them
[agent_orange] betty crocker, right out of the can
[raven] Chocolate or buttercream?
[Leth] rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn’t pareve
[CrazyClimber] you’re frosting meat?
[agent_orange] and then there’a always Cat Wellington
[agent_orange] “What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?” “Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!”
[agent_orange] “Why don’t you baste the chicken while you’re at it, too, dear?” “Baste the … *light bulb* …Sure! Sure, I’ll ‘baste the chicken’!”
[CrazyClimber] a google images search for “buttered cat” returns a picture of isaac hayes
[agent_orange] chocolate salty cat balls

I don’t like to post dodgy music, but this is a song that isn’t going to be released anyway so it’s a public service. Here is Sarah Blasko and Darren Hanlon playing ‘Hold Your Horses’ by The Go-Betweens at the Go-Betweens tribute night last year. It is a beautiful song, and waaaay better than the original version. If you can spare a minute, have a listen.

I can’t find anything like this on p2p so if you are an uploading type, pls stick it in your folder.

Oh, and do you like my ‘Winter Of Our Discontent’ header? Sorry if it takes a long time to load. I just need a break from the old envelope, you know?